Rise of the Celebreligious!

The whole sick culture of celebrity worship should come crashing down any day now. It really should.

It won’t, of course, because something has to fill all the empty space. Since fewer and fewer people read, converse on matters of both import and interest, learn something new about the world they live in, or do something to bring about the world they dream of, there’s a real need for an all-consuming belief system and faux mental activity that’s, like, hip and harmless, not like those mean people in church.

And so, we have the new “celebreligious” movement, where the sheer number of A- through D-list personalities in film, TV, theater, commercials, fashion, music, professional sports, and (hold your nose) politics guarantees no shortage of gods, demiurges, ascended masters, and/or saviors for the yearning masses.

How comical that, once upon a time, TV was called “the wasteland.” Whatever is not on TV today is part of the New Wasteland. That’s a fate worse than death for up and coming yuppies.

The amount of media time—web, radio, TV, billboards, store displays, everywhere—given over to well-coiffed mediocrities, the anointed ones in this new celebreligion, is simply astonishing.

In some “big news” from AOL that came out a couple years ago, which I am showing you by way of exercising the Fair Use doctrine (since I am going to ridicule the thing), we have the ultimate comment on modern fame. We have an acceptably dishy blonde and a Joe Pickup kind of guy, and the caption writers feel that they have to tell us who’s the celebrity. Hmm…

I would have sworn that “unrecognizable celebrity” was an oxymoron. For far too long we have had to endure untalented noodleheads who were, we were told, “famous for being famous.” It’s gone on so long that the gossipmeisters and tabloids are running out of people who fit even that elastic definition.

Get ready for a new paradigm (that’s the third one this week). The media’s bishops and cardinals of celebreligion will now move on to anoint people into celeb-hood and make them “famous for not being famous.” There would appear to be an endless supply of candidates, since it seems to be what much of the American public aspires to, although the route to that status has changed over the generations. People don’t want to work to get rich and maybe even famous anymore in America. They just want to be rich and famous.

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